More than one person has lost their spiritual gifts by not treating them with reverence. I am one of them.

Roughly fifty years ago I was driving my aging car along a winding county road, in the rain. On my right was a hillside. On my left the terrain dropped away a hundred yards or so to a creek bed. I’d had a thought about not wanting to roll down that embankment. That’s when the car hydroplaned toward it. I began to climb out. I put one hand on the back of the seat, one foot up on the seat itself, and was about half way out when I became very concerned about how my death would affect my folks, then about how it would affect my siblings. I next was concerned about how the death of my girlfriend, riding with me, would affect her parents, then her siblings. I went on to be concerned about how it would affect our various aunts, uncles, and cousins.

My concern for how my death would affect the wellfare of others seemed to go around the globe, fully encompassing everyone, whether I’d ever met them or not. At each step of the way, for every single person, I was immediately assured they’d be ok, without exception. And, I was assured to my complete satisfaction, with no question. Don’t ask me to explain how that happened. I have no idea.

But, I have figured out that the 30 miles an hour I was traveling works out to be 44 feet in one second. So, the roughly 6 inches the car slid before getting traction again took a really, really short amount of time. But I swear to you, in my experience, I spent nearly a half hour being half way out through the metal roof of my car, while totally absorbed in my concern for the rest of the world. Again, I can only tell you my experience of the event.

When the tires grabbed traction again I was still sitting with my hands on the wheel. I hadn’t physically moved. I looked over at my girlfriend. She was sitting there as if nothing had happened. I didn’t mention anything to her. It was just too weird.

However, I soon found that I was absolutely sure I knew how other people were feeling, and was feeling it myself. I have to tell you, for a kid who grew up being the scapegoat in an alcoholic family, this was power. I finally had something I could hold over someone else.

I was warned. My girlfriend told me I shouldn’t laugh as if I knew what other people were thinking and feeling. But come on, this was a chance to finally win verbal altercations. I couldn’t pass it up.

So it stopped. It went away completely, leaving my heart empty. Only then did I realize what I had squandered. I’ve occasionally thought how different these past fifty years might have been had I treated that gift with reverence, with some degree of grace. How would my life be different? What challenges might I have helped other people with? By now I may have gotten back only one tenth of what I’d lost.

I learned a hard lesson, but I was lucky.

Tom told of a person for whom not being reverent with their gifts was severe. He’d had an NDE from bleeding to death. He returned as a spiritual equal to Tom. This man lost his marriage, his kids, his six figure income, the entirety of his business, and all of his previously remarkable spiritual gifts. When he realized what he had given away, when he saw what he might have done for humanity and the world with those gifts, now gone, his own emotional response nearly killed him.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

If you are sharing beautiful things, teaching spiritual truths, but hiding and justifying some darker, more selfish, parts of yourself while thinking, “This little bit won’t matter. It’ll be fine.” You are wrong. Doing so limits your openness, your receptivity, and your ability to function at a high spiritual level. Those little justifications become road blocks, getting in the way of receiving higher knowledge. That is why constant self-appraisal is essential, because there’s always something.

Telling yourself that you are unconditionally loving is a head game. It comes from you. In truth, you can be so pure that you are one hair’s breadth from actually being unconditionally loving and still not know it. You could yet be questioning yourself. On the other hand, purposely stopping yourself from questioning will not make you unconditionally loving. That’s just another game in your head. If you ever truly become unconditionally loving, you will know it instantly. Until then, keep searching yourself, fully and lovingly. Search yourself with love. You won’t find it if you are pushing hard to attain it because that in itself is also a corruption, a distractive head game.

One of the things humans are absolutely the best at is justification. We can justify any desire we might have, justify any stalling of our progress, or any distraction.

The process goes as follows; first there is the formation of a desire, followed almost instantly by a justification for having that desire, then thinking about the desire thereby solidifying the desire within us, and finally to turning those thoughts into actions.

At that point we have shut down some degree of our own spiritual progress, possibly all of it, as we bend our energies to chasing and defending our desires, thus creating a block to further progress.

We are our own best teachers because we live our mistakes, suffer the results of them and, if we’re honest enough, thereby have the opportunity to learn from them. This is why we teach best from our own lives. We’ve been there. We’ve lived it. And, with proper self-honesty and courage, we’ve seen it for what it is and come through it.

The pureness of our teachings are always limited by our level of spiritual progress. Awareness of your ego desires will show you how to spot those who have also worked their way through their foibles and frailties.

That is how we come to discern who is a worthwhile teacher. Having made them ourselves, and grown through them, we are able to recognize the missteps of others.

It’s best to live up to the level of your spiritual knowledge, be honest with yourself, and live to your highest awareness. Treat yourself and all you’ve come to know with reverance, otherwise your selfish whims will create your karma.